1. The Good Morning/Good Night Plurker.
If the only times of day that you have time to plurk are first thing in the morning, and last thing at night, then perhaps Plurk isn’t for you. Because there’s only so many times you can keep saying “Good Morning!” and “Night night!” before we start wondering if you’re a career narcoleptic.
2. The Friender.
The person who just can’t say no. They’re start off friending a few people who are actually their friends, but then one day, you get a friend request from someone you don’t know. And then there’s another request.. and another.. and before you know it, you’ve got more friends on your Plurk than you’ve ever had hot dinners. Then you wonder how they can possibly follow all those people, and realise that actually, even though they’re your friend, they defollowed you a long time ago.
3. The Link Mogul.
The Plurker who seems to link to something in pretty much all their plurks. Okay – so a little self promotion is okay, but I’m not friends with the guy in my email trying to flog me penis enlargements and cheap viagra (interesting combination) so I’ve got no intention of friending a spammer like you.
4. The First-Life East-Asian Fan.
You’re creeping me out. Go away. Please.
5. The Mass Private Plurker.
Either you don’t know that we get private plurk notifications delivered to our emails, or you just don’t care. Either way, if you’re going to private plurk EVERYONE on your friends list, then you damn well better have something that EVERYONE is going to want to know about. Or else we’re going to call you mean things behind your back.
6. The Drama Llama.
How anyone can kick off a drama in under 140 characters or less, I’ll never know. And yet, it seems the same faces who have been associated with drama and gossip since the dawn of the virtual sun, have managed it. That, my friends, is microsizing your drama dose.
7. The Whiner.
It’d seem for some plurkers, that life never seems to go well. Every plurk seems to be complaining about work, home, family, SL, people, inanimate objects, the weather, the sound of a yo-yo, a slightly undercooked steak, a money-spider, a killer penguin, and oh of course – other people who have the nerve to complain.
8. The Novelist.
If it’s under 140 characters, then Plurk it. If you need to, then you’re allowed to run over into a second Plurk, but only for an extra line. If you’re using 6-7 replies to make your point, then get a blog.
9. The Critic.
The “holier than thou” people who only ever pop up to try and sound intelligent whilst belittling you – they’re usually closely linked in to the Novelist as they love to write out mini-essays to make their point, and have an overwhelming presence on your Plurk thread. Apparently, size does matter after all.
10. The Lovebird.
It’s sweet that you have someone you love. Really -it is. But my God – we don’t need to keep hearing about it.. especially not any intimate details. PDAs (Plurk Displays of Affection) are bucket hurling worthy, and we honestly don’t care.
Disclaimer: This is a satirical article, and you probably shouldn’t take it too seriously.. if you can’t laugh about Internet culture, then you definitely shouldn’t be reading this blog. Additionally, all of the above aren’t aimed at any single person, but if you’re wondering if I singled you out on any of them, then that alone will speak for itself.
Dolly Voom on September 5, 2009
i love this, dont ever change your sense of humor is priceless (worship) …
Dale Innis on September 5, 2009
So this entry would be a…. #9?
Prad Prathivi on September 5, 2009
Nope.. because this is a blog, not Plurk
Tymmerie Thorne on September 5, 2009
YES!! This is brilliant. I promise to check my own behavior to make sure I am not violating these. This should be required reading for a all SL Plurkers.
Tymmerie Thorne on September 5, 2009
Oops! forgot to add that if we could haev a #11 it would be the Over-sharer/over-askers: The people who ask incredibly presonal sex questions every single day in order to boost their karma.
'Kota Buck on September 5, 2009
So very true, this post gave me a good chuckle.
CT Xue on September 5, 2009
Ah-hah!! By following rule #8, rule #9 doesn’t apply either.
Bravo!
(oh, and I deeply apologize if I ever fell into rule #10–I stand ready for the lashings now)
Katydid Something on September 5, 2009
I’m new to plurk and have already dropped a few who have constant plurks with no relevance to me as if they were having private conversations with a group of fans. But have been glad I caught a few and hopefully I have relevant things to add! Taking the list to heart!
Winter on September 5, 2009
I confess to #8 and #10. And am preparing to #5 you right now.
Capt. Red on September 5, 2009
LOVES this! …..and so, so VERY true! thank you for saying what most of us have thought behind the screen (with rolling eyes even!) but what cracked me up the most was: 4. The First-Life East-Asian Fan. thank goodness for a private timeline to avoid all that! cheers!
~Capt. Red of New Babbage
Isle on September 5, 2009
I like to think I am a relatively even mix of these irritating trends. Cept for the first-life east asian thing. Leaving this blog comment without a goodnight or a link, but inserting a big (cozy)
Angie Mornington on September 5, 2009
Being a whiner will usually get you removed from my timeline in record speed. There are some folks who have a timeline full of ‘woe is me’ plurks. Well dam has anything EVER gone right for you at all? Did you wake up this morning? How many rivers must I cry for you? It’s really soul sucking.
The critics who think they are better than everyone else are usually the people who are sitting in a pool of Nacho crumbs wearing the same pajamas from the week before, bitter and resentful of all things human.
Good list Prad spot on!
Maddox DuPont on September 5, 2009
All I can say “Guilty As Charged!”
I am friender, linker, whiner etc – you name it. Haha
So busted but not ashamed…
You (my dear plurk freinds) either love me or hate me – that’s fine by me. Allow me the pleasure of doing the same, I simply can not tolerate all of your quirks. It is not humanly possible.
I was born human not Dalai Lama.
Lizzie Lexington on September 5, 2009
“PDAs (Plurk Displays of Affection) are bucket hurling worthy, and we honestly don’t care.”
OMG I just spit out my coffee and passed that line to about 5 friends just now. I LOVE IT. And yeah I do some this crap from time to time, except the sex stuff hahaha.
Mouse Mimistrobell on September 5, 2009
I’m really trying hard to do all this stuff in one day, as a challenge.
.
Tary Allen on September 5, 2009
lolol
4 was the main reason I turn my Plurk private (and I really don’t like the fan thing);
Mr G on September 5, 2009
u always make me smile…
beside the “morning” thingy… I couldn t agree more with ur points
Crap Mariner on September 5, 2009
7 and 9 all the way, baby!
-ls/cm
Ara on September 5, 2009
What about the “someone tell me how good I look” plurkers that are constantly posting new photos of themselves, a lot of the time close up face shots and then fishing for compliments on their looks.
ZigadenaGabardini/ZE design sl on September 5, 2009
Agree , thats why i dont do it ..
Aisuru Rieko on September 5, 2009
This is funny, I’m definitely guilty of #8, all the time, but I keep the complaining/drama down to a minimum. Pretty sure everyone’s guilty of some of them XD. I think you should add another though…. the Infomercial Plurker, where their entire timeline is promotion for their brand or store. Some people have plurk timelines just for their shop and thats ok if it’s clear to the people following it that it will be where the ad pitches occur. Practically every designer is on Plurk so you will see promos from them occasionally, but the people I’m talking about are the one’s who don’t plurk anything other than a sales pitch or promotion. Plurk isn’t another fashion feed, let us get to know you!
thaumata on September 5, 2009
haha.. A lovely post! I am totally guilty of private plurking frequently! *blushes* Usually, though, it’s RL stuff or work stuff that my friends care about that I don’t want public.
I hate the holier than thou types on plurk. One of them actually blew me off after promising some custom work once and then had the nerve to continue coming into my timeline to give business advice. Hooray for block buttons!
Bunny on September 5, 2009
You forgot the spammers: I am DJing now (add SLURL), my latest creation is available now (add SLURL) and – of course – I blogged (add link).
Oh, and not to forget the hugglez-crowd: I am emo because … add 20 reasons, receive a million (cozy) and never give a crap about your own plurk anymore.
ArminasX on September 5, 2009
This is SO True! I tend to skip over the plurks that fall into these categories automatically now, but my gosh there’s so many of them! Thanks!
10 Types of Plurkers Who Might Want To Rethink Their Timelines … – CelebrityTwitterGossip.com on September 6, 2009
[...] Read 5 more over at Metaversally Speaking..! [...]
ed poe on September 6, 2009
Can someone explain me no 4 please? I don’t use plurk, apparently it’s obvious for those who do…
Prad Prathivi on September 6, 2009
There was a phase of East-Asian Plurkers who went around fanning as many timelines as they could muster, but never saying anything. T’was a little.. odd.
Ara on September 7, 2009
Anyone know someone that is guilty of more than half? I know I do!
Moggs Oceanlane on September 10, 2009
I confess.
#2 I generally fan, not friend but never (ok, except once) turn down a SLer who offers friendship (but I can and do say no to others). I blame curiosity & being an info junkie and I’m not quitting because I find out about lots of great stuff going on I might otherwise miss. Yeah, yeah… guilty. As hell. *grins and bounces off*