The problems with using pose-balls for cyber, reveal themselves pretty quickly on attempt one. However some people will persist in using them despite their draw backs and limitations, other people will make fun of those who choose to use the pose-balls at all instead of just using written cyber, while others will swear by them as essential to the experience. So lesson seven will go through the pros and cons of using pose balls for this purpose, to help you see where they might be holding you back, and help you decide whether it’s worthwhile investing in them in the first place.
One of the major draw-backs of using sex pose-balls is that they potentially (and often will) limit your imagination. If you’re doing any other in-world activity during cyber, the activity won’t distract you since you both know it’s background noise and essentially unrelated to what’s going on in the IM. But if the visuals in the background is (for example) a kneeling on the floor naked scene, then it’s going to be harder to talk about other scenes and changes in position without feeling disjointed.
“That’s not a problem” I hear you say, “I have a 100 position posing system and every conceivable option is there!”. Let’s say you do have unlimited poses and that you can easily and knowledgeably switch between them (all of which is a lot to assume). You still have the problem of mucking around with the system that changes it and the lack of timely and smooth transition from one act to the next. Then there’s the movements within the animation itself once you’ve narrowed down which one you want to use – again potentially limiting your imagination as you try to describe what you’re doing to your partner. If none of that is a bother though (and there is no doubt for a lot of people that the transitions and often limited variety of positions is not distracting or annoying), you still have the following issues to deal with:
Out-of-sync actions: These are annoying enough when dancing, but when you’re meant to be doing something intimate, intense and as aimed at reality as cyber is (see my previous post on that point), it is then that much more annoying and disturbing when your movements and positioning is comically off. (There is definitely something to be said for the funny slip-ups caused by pose-ball malfunctions, we’ll get to that in the eventual post on during-cyber-humour.)
That’s if you manage to get the poses working at all though: Again, the same way as can and does happen with something like a dance animation, one of you (sometimes both) won’t see the animation working; you’ll just see yourself standing there or twisted in some static and uncomfortable angle. Not only is that off-putting but it makes being on the pose-balls at all pointless. (Hint though, try turning off your AO if you seem to be stuck in a sit pose – it might be over-riding the pose-ball animation.)
For some people using pose-balls at all is just too silly because they see it as toon sex, though this is a rare complaint for people who have been in Second Life long enough to associate with their avatar. At the same time if you have developed strong avatar association – both for yourself and the person you’re with – you’ll have a strong desire to have your avatared naked forms rolling around to enhance the experience.
Some people will also see using pose-balls as too “obvious” if they don’t really want your in-world neighbours or their real world flatmates knowing what they’re getting up to in Second Life.
At the end of the day it’s going to come down to preferences: Both yours and your partner’s. But if there’s a strong desire by one half not to use pose-balls I’m going to suggest they get the end say on the matter: If using pose-balls limits their imagination, destroys the moment for them or makes them feel silly or self-conscious to the point of utter distraction, you’re risking them saying no half way through, or “never again” afterwards (and perhaps without full explanation as to why). Feel free to try to talk them around but don’t pressure them, and maybe see it as something to instead experiment with later as they come to feel more comfortable with you and the situation of cyber.
Some will use it under limited circumstances – such as at the start to get them in the right frame of mind, and then ignore it in the background as they progress and get more into the mood, while others will prefer it the other way around – only at the peak of proceedings. These potentially conflicting preferences need not be a problem though if you discuss them openly with your partner instead of just getting grumpy after the fact.
Pose-balls are one of the areas though where you might be such poles apart on whether you want to use them or not that you may have to concede that you’re not “cyber-compatible”: You’re not suitable as sexual in-world partners and need to find someone who wants something more in-line with your expectations, desires, and needs.
Recap time for lesson seven then: Sex pose-balls don’t suit everyone, and can limit your imagination and the “smoothness” of the cyber experience. Other people can be dependent on or enjoy them as a vital element of the experience. Open communication as always is key, but if it can’t be reconciled this may end up been one of those cyber-incompatible issues that come up now and then in real world sex too: Not everyone is made to have sex with everyone else :p
(Oh, one last piece of advice. Don’t have pose-ball sex with your boss on the couch in the middle of their bar, while your friends watch. You will never live it down.)
London Spengler on April 12, 2009
I am one of those that likes to use a pose as a starting point for cybering.
Playing with different naughty poses may be one way to get started, and I love, errm…. *whispers* going to pose shops like Primal Dreams and use a pair of demos to entice my partner.
/me smiles weakly and noticing almost blushed.
I find poses powerful, I am a kind of maniac about them (professionally too) and, even if I had never been a pose hopper it took me a while to learn to simply choose a good cuddle and stay there.
Now I learned that lesson the experience is truly rewarding, and it is annoying to see that the proportion of sex/cuddle anims for most furniture is six to one; and don’t get me started with the scarcity of threesome cuddles.
Oh, a last, not too important thing; you forgot to add another problem of sex poseballs: an unsynched pose may be annoying, but seeing a penis going through your nape or spine need some guts (grins) to consider it as a visual help.
Dale Innis on April 12, 2009
“(Oh, one last piece of advice. Don’t have pose-ball sex with your boss on the couch in the middle of their bar, while your friends watch. You will never live it down.)”
We want pictures!!
Prad Prathivi on April 13, 2009
No you don’t.
Legendary Charisma on April 13, 2009
London, interesting experiences and thoughts as always (and I love it when you blush :p). I’ve got a few things to say about threesomes as well in future posts – but then I have a few things to say about everything really. It’s nice to have somewhere to say them!
Dale, I don’t actually have any, which is odd – I usually take pictures of everything. Maybe I was distracted at the time..?
Prad, shush.
Quaintly on April 13, 2009
I’m not a great fan of sex animations in SL – I wrote about that about two months ago: http://www.quirkyquaintly.com/2009/02/take-away-those-balls.html I’ve seen blue and pink lines suddenly appear in the middle of cybering as my sexual partner tries to adjust the pose. I’ve also had my avatar (and his) get flipped all over the bed as he looked for the appropriate pose to go with the emoting. Both were EXTREMELY distracting.
Moreover, as you say, having the animation limits the imagination, somehow prevents things from evolving spontaneously. I enjoy cybering more over external IM (out of SL) without the visuals. But poseballs for cuddling are great. Because sex is a lot of action – you can’t be quiet during sex, you have to keep typing – but cuddling is more of *feeling*, which can be enjoyed in silence. The visuals help the feelings focus in the midst of silence.
Isle Lunasea on April 13, 2009
I just finished reading the whole series so far, and you have done a fantastic and entertaining job of describing the many pitfalls (not snickering!) of cybering and poseballs. I look forward to the next installation.
I think this series should be NC’d and dropped into freebie packs at all welcome centers
Isle.
Legendary Charisma on April 14, 2009
Isle, thank you so much, I really appreciate the compliment <3
valentina kendal on April 15, 2009
I second Isle’s comment!
I usually have to use a pose that is vaguely related to what I am typing about. I find it very difficult mentally to be typing about the nasty things I am doing to you while our AVs are dancing politely in a crowded PG dance club or we are standing in a store. But I know lots of people who do this all the time, and I can do it, but I usually end up covering the screen. I mean, if we are in bed, we should be in bed (or the shower, or floating in midair 3000m up, etc, etc). I use the poses as a sort of ‘starting point’ for the action being described. But I know lots of people find them cheesy. I think one of the things that comes through again and again in your posts, is that just like RL, to have a good interaction in SL, communication is a must, and this is one of those areas.
Legendary Charisma on April 15, 2009
Thanks valentina, and I’m glad that message about communication is coming through! Means I’m doing something right
I really do appreciate the positive feeback, and the comments on how people do things differently or how their opinions differ from my own, it all keeps me going for the next posts