Lesson Five is about focusing on the task at hand, and is part of the broader category of cyber etiquette. The best way to approach this issue is by going through a list of the likely (and often humourous and embarrassing) outcomes if you try to multitask instead of paying all your attention to the cybering.

#1 The “dropping a cyber line into open chat” boo-boo: I can’t even begin to convey how much I love it when people commit this error. Imagine a room full of people, various dance couples spread across the edges of the room. There is lively chatter “The music is great, I wish I could play music over the stream like this!” “yes, she’s quite talented isn’t she, I’m pretty sure she downloaded it all by herself” “oh neato, hey, does anyone know how to sync this dance?” etc etc. Then all of a sudden… “I reach down between your apples and pull out my banana, the cream dripping from it’s yellow swollen tip”.  I love how such drops of cyber line into open chat gets the mixed responses of “o.O” and “O.O” and “rotflmfao” and “can I join in..?”. What’s even more fun is when the offending couple tries desperately to pretend it didn’t happen or finds their own humourous way to admit to the mix-up.

As much as I love these wonderful slip-ups, I have to recommend to you that you avoid trying to cyber whilst also trying to follow open chat, because sooner or later you will end up typing your cyber into the wrong window. I totally get why people attempt this multi-task – they want to be sociable yet still be intimate with their partner, and they’re pretty sure they can manage both at the same time. Besides the fact that it’s a bit rude to your partner to be jumping between banal open chat and what is probably meant to be intense and heart-felt cyber, it will also decrease the quality and attention to detail of the cyber itself. You’re still going to do it though aren’t you, just make me a promise – that you’ll invite me along to those crowded occasions so I can eagerly wait for the slip and notecard it to hold against you forever more, thanks!

#2 The multi-IM boo-boo: If you are talking to more than one person in IM while cybering someone, you risk the same thing happening above, but something worse can happen too: In this situation your partner is unlikely to have been informed that you are talking to someone else as well – unlike the open chat example above where they will be aware of your multi-tasking efforts. If you drop a normal chat line to your cyber partner that was meant for someone else, they are going to realise your attention is split away from them, and they’re quite possibly going to want to know who you are talking to while they’re busy turning you on. This often leads to jealous reactions… “you’re cybering me while you’re talking to Joan? Is she more important to you than I am? Are you cybering her too?” etc. You can avoid this if you tell them up-front that you are talking to more than one person while you cyber them, but chances are they will express the preference that you wait until you’re finished those other discussions first.

In following, you’d also be well advised to set busy mode (or set as show offline to everyone if you’re really feeling dedicated), so you don’t feel obligated to reply to every random IM that comes along while you’re cybering.

#3 The “I’ll be right back, the dog looks like he really needs to pee” boo-boo: Sometimes those little interruptions are unavoidable, but try to choose a time for cyber that doesn’t have you getting up and down to watch your favourite show or entertain your guests in the living room. It can be quite disturbing (and again can be perceived as rude) if you get up and down constantly during what is meant to be an intimate time together. If you must leave the keyboard, do let the other person know – long unexpected silences are not generally great (see my previous post). The nicest way to let them know may be along the lines of using brackets to separate it from the cyber and alert the other person to the break in proceedings, and throw in a quick apology. Let’s look at a few examples.

First, the no-no example: “A: Oh that’s it, yeah, lower” “B: brb” “A: Don’t hurry back honey, take your time!” (5 minutes later) “A: Honey, what are you doing down there, your silence – though intriguing – is not doing much for me…” (a minute later) “B: Back now, had to pee” “A: OK, that’s disgusting, you know I don’t go in for that kinky shit.”

Or

“B: How do you like that” “A: Oh that’s it, yeah, lower” “B: I have to take out the trash” (I’ve been trying very hard to come up with an example for what B goes off to do that doesn’t sound like kinky double-meaning cyber but I’ve given up – you get the idea though).

B would be better off to have politely said “B: (sorry sweetheart, brb OK?)”. Thereby avoiding any confusion and treating their partner with loving respect.

#4 The “shopping list during sex” boo-boo: Just like you should avoid talking about what you need to pick up at the grocery store during real life sex, equally you should avoid discussing mundane unrelated things in the middle of cyber. For example: “A: I unbutton your shirt, my hands seeking for your hoody-doody” “B: You think we should change the colour of the roof?” “A:…” Again, it’s a matter of respect and making sure the person knows you are paying attention to their needs, and are as excited about the task at hand as they are.

If you aren’t really “in the mood” for cyber and that’s why you’re distracted, then you should either say so openly, or possibly (but not ideally) fake your way through that session for the sake of the other person (and yes, I will be dealing with the issue of “faking it” in a future post, don’t worry).

Right, I think you’ve got the gist of the lesson now, so recap time: When you’re cybering you should be focusing on that task, not just because it’s respectful and the loving thing to do, but also because not doing so greatly increases your chances of bad bloopers and sometimes very public ones.