Lesson Four is about sharing the work-load when you’re cybering; not leaving it entirely up to one participant to type while you, um, do your nails. Or whatever other chore is at hand. There are a few basic rules you should try to follow here, and I will explain the reasons for each one as we go along.

First off, cybering is typically intended and expected to be a multi-person (two or more) activity. If you just want to read a one-sided conversation then why not get them to type you up a little fun message while you’re not online, and when they’re otherwise bored. That can be a sweet activity – both for them and for you when you get around to logging on and have something interesting to read. It shows your partner has been thinking of you while you were offline. Much yayness. However if you’re both online and intending to have a session, you should be aiming at a mutual effort.

I do need to say at this point that some couples are very happy to just have one person type away while they do their nails, and to swap over when the nails are done. If that is their mutual understanding and expectation then that’s not a problem. The problem that exists for a seeming large number of people is complaining about the non-responsiveness and non-participation of the other party (typically the woman), so it is to that more general and popular complaint that I am writing this post.

Someone will typically be the clear initiator of the session (though the more relaxed and constant-lusty couples will be at it almost non-stop in which case identifying an initiator is kind of pointless). But just because one person starts it doesn’t make it their responsibility to keep everything pumping along. You should be ready to provide feedback – encouraging them when they do something you like, and really encouraging them when they do something you really like: If you want to train them to meet your needs you can do it very effectively simply by responding more enthusiastically at the right times. If you don’t respond at all or the bulk of the responses are made up of the letter m (”mmmmmmmmmmm”) then it will become rather boring and uncertain for your partner – remember they are typing for your benefit as much (if not more so) than their own, so give them something to work with!

You can follow their lead and let your imagination fit its responses into their guided actions if you like, or (and even better), when you see an opening *sniggers* you can take that extra initiative to throw something special and unexpected in to keep it lively and more like exactly what it is: Two individuals responding to each other, not one of them working off some script of predictable responses. The ideal is to “share the load” (if I snigger again here I’ll have snigger written every second line through-out this thing, just know that I am sniggering). If you both contribute in equal part – even if the person “in control” of the direction of the cyber shifts through-out the session – then it will last longer and be much more interesting, and you’re more likely to have the other person begging for more since the exercise is exciting in it’s unpredictably.

This goes for the sub / doms too. Just because one of you is in “control” in the more literal sense, doesn’t mean the other can’t provide plenty of responses to what is being done to them and subtly indicate what else they might enjoy in ways that do not undercut the dominance in place. What I’ve suggested above is a versatile approach – the basics come down to this: Say something, and don’t say the same damn thing every time you speak.

Now it’s very important if you are going to try to live up to what I have just suggested (and I do recommend it for the reasons I outlined through-out), that you keep your eye on something vital to it’s success: The start of the line that says “Rancid Tom is typing…”. Because if they are typing and you are typing at the same time, you could come out with contradictory sentences that require the cyber to stop while you both spend a while figuring out either how to solve or gently ignore the faux pas. For example, if one person types “I tie you down to the table” while the other comes out with “I feel you tightening the ropes around my feet as you tie me to the chair”, it will take a little while to clean that mess up (yes, I’m sniggering again). Even figuring out who is going to clean it up becomes a distracting task. This is part of why I say to “take turns” – ie, watch what is being said, and respond to it.

Similarly, if the other person is on a roll and won’t stop typing in their excitement, you’re best being a bit patient til their fingers get sore and need a break, and then responding to whatever position they last left you in – rather than having disjointed responses through-out. Example:

“A: I tie you down to the bed” “A: After I’ve had my way I cut you loose” “A: I run through the flowered field with you and we fall and embrace in the daisies” “B: I feel the ropes biting into my flesh, the soft sheets under my pert buttocks” “A:…”

Because of the importance of knowing when the other person is typing, you should probably do your cybering in IMs which clearly show who is typing, whereas mystitools won’t if the other person has typing animation turned off. Plus do it in IM anyway less you want someone listening in or walking past at just the wrong time – I will be dealing with general cyber etiquette in a later post.

So let’s summarise where we’ve reached in lesson four (before it runs on so long that I end up writing what was going to be my lesson five too): Think of cyber as a multi-person effort. At the very least you should respond to what the other person is doing, and the response should not be the same thing each time. By doing this you provide feedback that let’s the person know you are actually reading what they are typing and which parts of it you are particularly enjoying – thereby encouraging much happiness next time round (and increasing the chances of a next-time at all). However be mindful of them typing – try not to type at the same time as them, and make sure you are responding as much as possible to what is going on right now, and not what happened a page of text ago. That’s it for now, happy cybering!