A couple of close friends have recently decided to leave Second Life, leaving me rather emosad, and missing their presence quite a lot.
I like to think cope well with change, but getting used to not seeing someone around, and not being able to share experiences with them in the same way anymore is hard.
But in the words of a great man, “Ya gotta do, whut ya gotta do”.
It’s generally accepted that Second Life will affect your first life in many various ways, most of all emotionally. It’s only natural to develop emotional ties to a metaverse which, although digital, holds strong sentimental value to us.
And it’s very easy for it to become addictive, as I’ve said in the past. MMOs like Second Life pose a real risk of destroying relationships and livelihoods if you don’t know where to set your limits.
It’s not to say that Second Life is of any less value than reading, watching TV or some other hobby – after all, it presents a means of entertainment, and indeed for some, it gives a means of income.
But to people who have psychologically dependant personality traits, virtual worlds can be especially harmful when they become reliant on them.
It can be difficult to term metaverses as being addictive, as there is no physical aspect to it, as there is with alcohol, drugs and tobacco. However, the addiction is very real, in terms of emotional attachment and psychological need. There are more than enough people who are in Second Life because there is something lacking in the social aspects of their First Life, and the metaverse offers an avenue to fill that need.
But again, there are limits.
Both of my close friends who have left have realised that those limits were crossed, and they needed to back away from Second Life in order for it to stop affecting their first. Sometimes, a little evaluation can be a good thing.
There are many aspects which can cause someone to reconsider Second Life as being part of their life, and indeed, we shouldn’t be in SL if it’s affecting us negatively. Take a few pointers:
- Time is a biggie. There are only 24 hours in a day, and the clock is ticking on how many of those days we have left.. if you have ambitions which lie outside of SL, then is it really worth spending so much time in-world?
- Fatigue - if Second Life is tiring you out when you don’t even leave the chair, then maybe it’s time to think about a break. It’s a very intense metaverse, and sometimes we all need a breather to put things into perspective.
- Personality awareness is another key point – anonymity enables us to do things we might not dare to do in the real world. But that isn’t always a good thing. If you’re shocking yourself and others by your actions in SL, maybe it’s time to take a look at yourself.
- Flogging a dead horse – if you’ve been running a failing business and nothing you try to do to get it going seems to work, maybe it’s time to call it quits and cut back. Second Life may just not be the place for your creative outputs, but you might find something better suited in the real world.
- FL Commitments are paramount – if you’re neglecting your first life partner in favour of SL, or getting into work/school later because you’re in world until 3AM everyday, then perhaps your priorities need a rethink.
- Look at what you’re doing in world – a shocking amount of time will be spent by the average avatar in a state of boredom, waiting for something to come along that is fun. If you’re wandering around aimlessly all day, looking for fun things and not finding much, then why not find something which makes you feel entertained in a more efficient timeframe?
- Are you getting anything back out of Second Life? If you spend several hours in world and you don’t feel like you’re having fun, learning or doing anything productive, then why bother?
- Drama - if the virtual world is bringing you down and causing you grief, then is it worth it?
- Does everything feel “meh“, and fails to excite you anymore? A change of pace may be needed, perhaps?
I’m not saying we should all plan a mass-exodus of Second Life, but if you’ve been thinking about stepping back like my two close friends have, then maybe you should for your own health. You don’t have to quit or cut yourself off from friends, but simply use Second Life in moderation, as you would any other addictive substances.
Ryker Beck on February 15, 2009
*hugs*
I will miss them…
If you need a chat, you know where you can always find one. No matter what. <3
Moggs Oceanlane on February 16, 2009
Nods in agreement.
A few of my people have either left or cut back significantly too – fortunately I have many of them in spaces other than Second Life so there’s still some level of contact, with others none.
They’ve moved on to new adventures, so I’m smiling a little as they are being true to themselves – but I do miss ‘seeing’ and ‘conversing’ with them on a regular basis. Whether it’s real life or second life – saying goodbye for unknown lengths of time is a hard thing to do.
Valiant Westland on February 16, 2009
We only know for certain we have one life to live.
Here are some facts that put the life of a typical SL user in perspective:
75 = Average Adult Lifespan
33 =
12 =
During the remainder of the average SL user’s life span, their heart will beat approximately 1.1 billion times. By the time you finish reading this, some 375 of those heartbeats will be gone forever.
How fast did last year go by for you? Can you believe it’s already half way through February of this year? Do you remember when your children were small, you went on your first date, started your first real job, etc.?
The choice of how we spend or invest our remaining time is ours. Whatever we chose to do with it, we can never get any of it back.
Valiant Westland on February 16, 2009
Sorry about the link malfunctions… Here are those values. Just ask for the links if you want the sources.
33 = Average Age Of SL User (Main Grid)
12 = Years Average Adult Will Sleep During Remaining Lifetime
Landsend Korobase on February 16, 2009
Great post (as always) Prad.
Thought-provoking as well, and shows that you truly understand why people are sometimes better off leaving, even when it means leaving so many wonderful things. I like to think I took the best bits with me though – my friends.
I’m saddened by the number of people who even now still say to me “you’ll be back” or “you’re making a mistake by leaving”, because they either don’t get it or don’t want to get it, and either way I can’t keep explaining myself and just have to do what I have to do
SL is an amazing place that I would happily recommend to people who are bored or lonely, or have creativity to spare, but it’s no longer the “right” place for me.
By the way, I’ll keep reading your blog even though I’ve left, because it’s your blog
<3
Frustration… « Mira Scribbles on February 16, 2009
[...] skulle önska att jag bara kunde få förlora mig i den andra världen fullständigt. Läste Prad’s inlägg idag och jag kan ju konstatera att jag iallfall inte är FÖR mycket in-world men att jag [...]
Natalya Homewood on February 16, 2009
Very thought provoking, I think sometimes it’s very easy to let priorities run a little out of wack..
Neil Canham on February 16, 2009
I appreciate the sentiments in the article, and I have been there in some ways, I’ve had my 80 hr weeks in SL… but why do we insist on talking about SL (and other MMOs) as if they were different to any other means of communication or way of spending time? If I spent all my spare time watching TV, or in the pub, would that make me addicted? Maybe, but it could be for the same reasons that people spend lots of time in SL – that they are getting something from it. And surly the rules listed above could be applied to those situations too. Do you find that amongst your peers you do things that you wouldn’t do away from them?
For me, SL is just another branch of RL – another way to communicate with people, another way to express parts of myself, another way to get certain things done and ideas expressed. I have a feeling that by putting SL up as something ‘different’ we help feed the media image of it as something different which is to be feared and derided.
Aribeth Coronet on February 16, 2009
*hugs*
I’ll drop you a message at some point today for a chat about all of this
Things are a little different for me than what they were two weeks ago when I made that post – and I’d like to keep you updated and not so much emosad <3
The leaving of SL at the time was definately a Good Thing™ – from the list you mentioned above, I covered all but two of them. And sometimes it’s just necessary to say enough is enough and to come away for a while. It’s certainly done me the world of good, and I just hope you, and the rest of my clostest friends, are happy for me because of that. x
Emerald Wynn on February 17, 2009
Yeah.
I need to get out.
As a diehard procrastinator, SL makes it way too easy for me to forego work for fun. Today I put off a huge cleaning project, for example, just so I could sit in some pixelated tents and watch fuzzy AVs work their supermodel AOs on the virtual runways.
I’m lazy. SL feeds my laziness. Thank God I have a superhuman metabolism or I’d weigh about 300 pounds just from lying on my couch with my laptop for most day. But my body feels sort of bleh, like I need to dance, run, swim or hula-hoop.
And frankly, SL isn’t even all that fun anymore. I used to love it because I could wander around gazing in wonder at amazing builds and meet interesting people in strange and exciting lands. It gave me new stories to tell and new things to think about. It fed my starved imagination. It woke up my inner child and delighted her.
Now it seems to be all about who’s dating whom, who’s fighting with whom, who’s cheating on whom, who’s wearing what, who’s having a sale, who’s going to what party tonight and where should I shop today?
It’s starting to feel shallow to me. I have enough of all that crap in my real life. And yeah, it’s getting “meh.”
*insert really sad face here*
Landsend Korobase on February 17, 2009
Neil,
I think you’re over-looking that SL *is* different in some vital ways. Television and going to the pub don’t provide you the dizzying freedom of anonymity while you socialise with people from across the world at the click of a finger, and if you piss off or fall in love with someone at the local pub, the consequences are hugely different from what happens in a virtual world where you can log off or get a new alt without dealing with the carnage you may have caused.
I think a lot of research still needs to be done about the reality of virtual worlds and the effects they have on us. Watching TV is not like going to the pub, they are very different ways to “pass time” and say a lot about a person who chooses to do one rather than the other. Virtual worlds are also a distinct activity that needs to be considered in it’s own light.
I understand the point you’re trying to make but I think you’ve over-simplified the truth.
Baldi McMillan on February 17, 2009
For me SL still has its magic. While I do find the avatars, builds, scripting, and the wonderful pixels created before me amazing and fun, it is the people,..the pilots behind the avatars, I find the most thrilling. I have met folks I thought were brilliant, fun and creative,…only to find out how easy it is to project an image of a character for some,…on the other hand I have run into those I wanted to ban and orbit, with all their gestures and noob clothed and haired selves flailing about the place, only to find out, that with patience, the soul behind the avatar may be way more beautiful than could ever be realized with just a glance, and many of these have become wonderful true friends.
SL is new and very very young still. I don’t think we have really got the grasp of it yet just as is, not to mention the possibilities it has and still presents us with. It ain’t yo parent’s TV, and it is unlike any other form of entertainment we have ever had presented to us, because we can filter out or add to it as much or as little as we want. For most it is rapidly becoming an amazing tool for communication world wide.
Metaphorically, some of us are still trying to light the glass bulb with a match, wondering, “why the hell don’t this thing work?”. In that light (forgive) it isn’t hard at all to understand how impossible it would have been to explain to Edison himself that one day we would see moving images produced by millions of pixels on a monitor in the comfort of our own homes. One hundred thirty years ago this would have been an impossible dream. LOL…and SL is how old now?
For me the way we interact with each other is the real trick of SL to me, and I hope it is still the magic and thrill for you! Go find a noob! Show em the world where they can fly give em freebies hell give em Lindens, teach em to build and rezz!!! If after that, watching them soak it all in and begin to create for themselves, you still don’t feel the magic,……may be time to turn the TV back on and watch sitcoms,…but I bet the rest of us will be having a better time dancing at Bogart’s or racin’ Giant Snails or running around the Raglan sims as tinies in SL ~Peace!