How To Get Over Your SL-Ex, inspired by my own batshit-crazy ex:.. woah, I better not say her name. Rawr. But I’m sure anyone who’s had a pyscho ex can relate.. and heck, also if you are the said “Batshit Crazy” (I’d denote that to the acronym BC, but that’s hitting a little close to home).

1. Firstly, accept you’re not over them. If you’re reading a list like this on this blog and others, then you’re definitely not over them. If you’re writing a list like this, you’ve been through the process, moved on and ready to rip the Michael. Satire comes after acceptance, and once you can laugh about it and not care, your life becomes pretty fun. But for now, you’re stuck in a rut while you beat yourself up about it.

2. Talk about your ex to their friends. Stalk your ex’s blog and Flickr and leave vicious comments. Create alts to spy on them, check their profile daily to notice any changes, and then make snide comments about them in your own profile. Keep stalking them until you’re pretty sure they think you’re pathetic and realise that they were right to GTFO.

3. Get paranoid. Your attempts to pull your ex’s friends away from them totally failed because they just saw you for what you are. And now you know they’re in their local club/bar all having a laugh about you and your “batshit craziness”. By now, you have to realise you are the fail, and you have to drift off into obscurity away from all the people you thought were your friends.

4. Listen to a lot of breakup music. I recommend John Mayer’s “Slow Dancing In A Burning room“. And buy shares in Kleenex (or Prozac).. it’s not like moaning all the time and singing sad love songs in dingy SL venues is going to pay the tier.

5. Find another jerk/nag just like the ex. It’ll give you a quick fix, and make you think the ex cares whilst he’s out getting on with life and taking all opportunities. Console yourself that he might notice and come back, but don’t hold your breath. In fact, don’t hold anything.. hope’s not even a factor.

6. Enrich your second life – you’ve got a lot of free time now that you’re a crushed, bitter soul. May I suggest a escapism from your Second Life, and entering the world of SL roleplay to cover up the fact you screwed up your first like, and now the second? Perhaps it’s time to just leave SL altogether and stop inflicting the said “batshit crazy” characteristics on SL residents.

7. Become less ugly. You know what I mean – that thing inside you which you should really change. The thing you think “Maybe if I was less like that, maybe he’d have put up with my bullshit for longer?”. I won’t spell it out, but you know what makes you ugly.. try and change it. That mantra where you think you’re perfect and it’s everyone else that is wrong? Well, I got bad news for ya..

8. Look back on the relationship – the good and the bad. You draw from this that they’re a douche and despite all your failures, they still lose. And that they’re probably out with some bitch right now having a miserable time because they can’t stop thinking about you. Now think about them kissing that bitch because they have no idea what else to do. But you know. And keep thinking and dwelling about that while you reach for the Linkin Park CD and the new pack of razor blades.

9. Realise it’s been how ever many months/years and you’re still not over it, and ask yourself “What am I doing?” There comes a point when you really have to just get over it.. if you’re still dwelling on somebody after so long, it’s time to think about getting therapy. Seriously.

10. Stop reading lists. And stop taking advice from “friends” assuming you still have any who haven’t been freaked by the psycho vendetta. And stop reading blogs with the word “Metaversally” in the title.

“Passion is a positive obsession. Obsession is a negative passion.”
~Paul Carvel

I think we’ve all encountered batshit crazy psycho ex’s that follow similar patterns to these.. my advice to you is to just laugh. And satirise them. And then enjoy your life, because it’s too short to spend not having fun.