Only two things are certain in life – death and taxes. Oddly enough though, neither of these are true in Second Life.. your avatar doesn’t “die”, and you don’t pay taxes. Unless you live in Europe.. and even then there are ways to get around it. Not that I’d ever consider doing anything like that..
And now for a contradiction – there are other things certain in life. For example, there will always be categorisable groups of people.. I’ve been criticised here for categorising people, but what the hell. It’s fun. And fun things are good for the soul. Anyways, back to the point.. there are two types of people in the world. The smart and attractive people like you who read this blog, and the 6 billion fools who keep getting in our way. But as we’re a little outnumbered, it’s wise to shut up and say nothing to their faces about it.
Likewise in Second Life, but we find a small group of people who we entrust in and group together to laugh at all the other groups. Who, by the way, are laughing at us. But that’s okay. Because we’re more powerful and all knowing, and when push comes to shove, we can mute/ban them and pretend they don’t exist.
I’m sure if you asked the average SL resident about their plans in SL, they would say they have no plans. “It’s only a game” after all. But let us assume we smack them around the head repeatedly with their freenis (free penis) until they finally confess to having plans? Well, I imagine they wouldn’t be too exciting..
- Invest in a decent skin, prim hair, shoes and a suit.
- Look for venues outside the SL sex community.
- Finally getting around to filling out their profile.
- Get a new freenis.
Clearly, a metaverse full of people with goals like these will mean things that happen in the future won’y be the result of good planning. So that makes the future difficult to predict. And that’s why you need to bookmark this blog and add the feed to your RSS syndicator, stat.
So forth, I will make predictions for the future of Second Life, and metaverses in general. Because I’m of the opinion that they’re the next big thing in the evolution of the world. And Nostradamus didn’t quite get this far.. he was too busy working out all the dates when the world was going to end to manage it.
So any morning when you’re trying to decide whether to bother logging into SL or to just drown yourself in your bowl of cereal, be rest assured that after reading my predictions, you’ll be making an informed decision. It will be an exhaustive analysis of the metaverse to come, in the sense that if you stare at the screen too long, you’re going to get tired. In fact, maybe that’s a good thing. It means you’ll be rather groggy and won’t notice when the paragraphs don’t work well together.. bit like this next one.
I’m a keen swimmer. I swim 6 mornings a week when I’m not suffering from injury, hangovers or life threatening diseases (man-flu). I’m more of a short lengths swimmer though – I put that down to my lack of concentration.. the pool will get repetitive to me in longer races. Didn’t I already do this lap?
So I stick to shorter laps when it comes to racing. I tend to impress more with my swimming style, which I picked up off watching nature documentaries in which dolphins glide through the water and occassionally jump out the water to give the spectators something to gawp at. So when I swim, I have my arms firmly at my sides as I glide along, jumping up out the water just to give the audience a chance to “oooooh” and “aaaaah”. That’s pretty much why my swimming team at university handed me over to the water polo club.
If you think none of this is relevant to the point of the future of metaverses, then you’d be very much mistaken. It leads very nicely to my first prediction:
Prediction 1: In the future, bloggers will take a long time to get to their point. It keeps you coming back to this page, and makes it look like there are more entries here, so it looks busier too.
There are numerous methods to predicting the future. Your daily horoscope, for example. Or tea leaves. Or a crystal ball. Some would call them the rather “nutty methods”. Alternatively, you can enter a lot of well researched facts from the brightest minds in the greatest universities, and enter them into the most powerful computers. But those methods are referred to by some as “a complete waste of time”. While I consider that these methods of prediction have their advantages, they require too much work. And I just want to type, dammit.
So I offer these much more efficient methods to predict the metaversal future:
1. My flawless skills of observation
2. My undoubted logic
3. My almost fearful intuition
4. My complete lack of any guilt.
Predicting the future is a great topic for any blogger – by the time everyone realises I was completely wrong, and had no idea what I was talking about, I’ll be dead. My university’s Business Enterprise department has a term – “time value of money”. Or simply put, “Good luck getting your money back now!“
That said, predicting the future has its potential upsides. Lets imagine the world’s population is almost wiped out by a huge catatrosphe (That’s not the good part). And lets say the server in northern England which is hosting this blog is encased in a titanium shell, and buried in a tar pit. (Don’t write it off.. It once happened to a good friend of mine. He’s a great conversation starter). In the long distant future when our descendants find it (the server, not my friend) they will read my predictions and think me to be a wise holy man. Or wonder what the hell a “metaverse” is. And all this is assuming they don’t use it as a coffee table.
Now I know this is a new blog and all, but it’s still the same old theme. I’ll say a lot of things which are blindingly obvious and that you already agree with, thereby making me appear to be a pretty switched on guy. And I’ll also say as many contraversial and inflammatory things as I can, in the vain hope that it gets me stupid amounts of publicity and gets me a spot on The Tonight Show so I can heckle Jerry Seinfeld. So if you see something that makes you mad, or think “what the hell is this retard on?!”, then feel free to leave a comment and link your friends to ponder the sanity of the author.
The coming entries on The Metaversal Future will touch on many topics in which I am completely uninformed and incompetent. These intellectual shortcomings will manifest themselves as spelling mistakes, inaccuracies, lack of common sense and flaws of basic logic.
My advice is to read quickly, so you don’t notice them.
Only two things are certain in life – death and taxes. Oddly enough though, neither of these are true in Second Life.. your avatar doesn’t “die”, and you don’t pay taxes. Unless you live in Europe.. and even then there are ways to get around it. Not that I’d ever consider doing anything like that..
Bailey Longcloth on September 14, 2008
Praddles, there are times you really scare me.
Might be a good time to stop taking the happy pills 
LOL
Love ya hon, good luck with the new blog!
Landsend Korobase on September 14, 2008
lmfao, brilliant post, that was laugh out loud funny at many points. Clever boy ^^
*predicts the success of this blog*
Kitty O'Toole on September 15, 2008
LOVING this new blog Praddles, it looks fab-tastic!
Huge congrats!
Kitty =^..^=
Kristi Maurer on September 15, 2008
Wow…I can’t believe I just read that whole thing. And I still don’t know what your point was.
Prad, stop distracting me from my housework!
oh yeah, and shiny new blog or not, I still <3 you.
Looker Lumet on September 16, 2008
Congrats on you new blog, I have updated the link,
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